We know Grief.
We Grieve animals that have left us. We Grieve the dogs we thought we were getting.
We Grieve the sports we used to do.
We Grieve the abilities we had as symptoms change.
We Grieve the support we thought we were getting, and the community that we swear existed.
Grief exists within the process of learning and so it exists within dog training. For some of us, newer ideas might ignite that feeling of grief. It might bring up denial and defensiveness as we fight to let go of old ideas about how to live with our dogs. That internal (or external) argument of 'this is how I have always done it'. It's okay to let that go.
Sometimes when we let that go, we feel embarrassed about what we did or could have done right or better earlier on. Some of us learn that our actions actually made issues worse. That is the process of grief.
Sometimes we grieve the things that changed over time. We grieve having more energy for our dogs, or being able to do hobbies that we felt were enriching and connecting. We might grieve our time in the agility ring, or the long day hikes or over night trips we used to take.
For some of us, we grieve the change in our own abilities. When we are hit with the reality of growing disabilities, we grieve. Sometimes our abilities require us to have specific dogs, specific training goals, and be on a specific timeline. We grieve the support should be there, or systems we thought were in place for us. Some of us grieve the dogs that got us through that, and the dogs that should have been there for us.
It's never going to look exactly the same as it did before. It's rarely ever going to just be one feeling at a time. But as you grieve, it's still okay to take time to do the things that bring joy, even if that joy is immediate followed by sadness. It's okay to care for yourself, or others. It's also okay to hide away and take space to feel confused and lost and sad.
Within that grief you might realize that it feels hard to try share these things with people that don't understand our feelings or perspective. And that can restart some of the struggle and stuckness.
These are a normal part of the process that is grief. Grief isn't linear, feelings come in waves and sometimes multiple feelings come at the same time. It's a process that hurts. It is enraging and confusing and sad and eye opening. It's multifaceted and will stick around for a while, and sometimes we just have to own that it is hard.
But your process is your own. And it's okay to involve or not involve people in that. As a professional I always appreciate when people share glimpses of their internal process with me, it helps me identify places we might want to slow down and focus, or areas that I want to give space and let me clients work through. As a student, I find it a moment of vulnerability to communicate these things with people I am learning from. Whether or not I appreciate the response, that's my choice, but I find power in those moments of holding space for my own grief and reality.
*this is about the 2024 election, this also about the loss of my cat, Taro, and the loss of my dog, Geordi. This is about the loss of my cognitive abilities with a brain injury in 2020. This is about the career change of Dax. And just so much more in general. Most of all, this is about me wanting more people to pace themselves and normalize their own grieving process.
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